“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” —1 Peter 5:7
Ever lay awake at night anxious about your kids? I sure have, and let me tell you, friends, that worry didn’t magically vanish when they became adults and moved out into the world. I am still a parent, even now that some of my children are parents themselves! But I've also found that these lessons about surrender apply to so many other relationships in my life.
I remember well a defining incident between my son and me as he walked into his twenties. I had concerns about specific choices he was making, and words of worry and advice slipped out of my mouth more than once in our conversations. Finally, one day, he turned to me, looked me in the eye, and said quietly but confidently, “Mom, you did an excellent job raising me. You gave me great training and advice, and I heard every word. Now you need to let go and trust me to live my life.” Wow. And he was absolutely right.
That moment became a turning point. From that day on, I began the lifelong lesson of surrendering my children—and really, all of my closest relationships—into hands much larger than my own. I started praying with a new depth, entrusting them to God, who knows them even better than I do. I decided to be my son’s cheerleader and listener rather than his fixer or trainer. Yes, I still give advice, but only when he asks. And sometimes, when I’m struggling to let go, I find my hands curling into fists. It’s then I’ll intentionally open my hands, palms up, as a physical act of trust and surrender—reminding myself to place my worries for him, and for others, into God’s hands, just as 1 Peter 5:7 reminds us to “cast all [our] anxiety on Him because He cares” for us.
This posture of open hands has become a visual cue to release not only my adult children but also any relationship where I find myself holding on too tightly. For each of us, that may look different—a friend making choices we worry about, a family member struggling with something out of our control. Surrendering doesn’t mean we stop caring or praying; it means we trust that God is at work even when we can’t see it.
For some, letting go feels especially tough, particularly if a loved one is in a dark place, struggling with addiction, depression, or other serious challenges. Letting go doesn’t mean we stop supporting or stop praying. It means acknowledging that we don’t have the power to fix everything, but we know the One who can bring light even into the darkest situations.
And what I’ve learned is that surrendering control has blessed me more than I could have imagined. Studies show that parents who practice letting go experience less stress and a greater sense of peace, even reporting an increase in general well-being. Learning to let go is not about giving up our role as a parent or friend but about embracing a new phase of it. We allow our loved ones the space to grow, discover resilience, and walk their own path.
The process of letting go nurtures our adult children’s growth—and anyone we release into God’s care. Research highlights that people given more autonomy in decision-making build stronger resilience, confidence, and problem-solving skills. When I release my grip and trust God with my children, they develop the muscles to navigate life independently. And the same goes for friends or family we’re concerned about. When we step back, we give them room to lean into God themselves and develop confidence in their own journey.
It’s not always easy. Some days, I still catch myself wanting to jump in, fix things, or give unsolicited advice. But each time, I remember that conversation with my son and those simple words: “Trust me to live my life.” I’m reminded that my job now is not to manage or direct but to pray and support. To be here, to listen, and to love unconditionally.
When we let go, we’re also demonstrating trust in God’s timing and plan. There’s a deep peace in knowing that we can surrender our loved ones into God’s care, believing He will guide them even if we can’t. And as I see my children—and other loved ones—make their way through life, I’m often amazed at how they rise to challenges, make wise choices, and become people who inspire me with their strength.
So, if you’re a parent like me, wondering how to navigate this new season, I encourage you to take a breath and remember that God’s got this. Trust in His plans, and let your adult children feel the freedom to grow, learn, and flourish. And if you’re facing a different kind of relationship that you need to release—a friend, a sibling, or even a spouse—consider practicing this same surrender. The peace that comes from letting go isn’t just for us—it’s a gift we give them as well.
FOR FURTHER THOUGHT
This week, try shifting moments of worry about your adult children into moments of prayer, as Philippians 4:6 encourages us to “present [our] requests to God.” When anxious thoughts arise, pause and ask God to guide and protect them, trusting that He’s working in their lives. Then, focus on being present. The next time you speak with your adult child, aim to listen fully and hold back advice unless it’s requested. Trust that this act of surrender not only brings peace to you but also empowers them to grow. Each small step in letting go can help create a deeper, more trusting relationship—for both of you.
For those who aren’t parents, the journey of trusting God in relationships can be just as powerful. Think of someone close to you—a friend, sibling, or partner—whom you may feel the urge to guide, advise, or worry about. This week, practice releasing that person into God’s care, trusting His work in their life. When you feel the need to step in or fix something for them, pause and pray instead, asking God to provide what they need. Letting go in this way creates space for God to work and brings peace, not only to you but to the relationship itself.
PRAYER
Lord, today I bring the people I love before You, trusting that You know their needs better than I do. Help me to release my worries and to trust Your plan for their lives. When I feel the urge to control or fix things, remind me to pray instead, leaning into Your wisdom and timing. Grant me the peace that comes from knowing You’re at work in their hearts, and give me the patience to wait for Your perfect timing. Thank You for holding each of us so lovingly in Your hands. Amen.
ABOUT BARB LOWNSBURY
Barb is a speaker, author, and entrepreneur. She holds Bachelor's Degrees in International History and Education, as well as a Master’s Degree in Education. Barb has spoken at conferences and taught classes throughout the U.S. on topics including faith, relationships, leadership, and courage through trials. Her book, Using What’s Broken to Boldly Shine, is a powerful read on transformation through adversity. Her blog focuses on providing people with everyday encouragement and strength. Barb serves as the Executive Director for The Dented Fender Ministry and runs a successful real estate and development company. She and her husband currently reside in Dayton, Ohio.
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